Suffering in Silence

Suffering in silence. What’s this mean? It’s when you choose to silence yourself when expression could otherwise bring about a better reality.

This has been a theme for me over the past several years as I’ve been growing and expanding in immense ways.  The patterns of limiting my expression and settling for less.

Last year I lived in a home in which I had several problems – roaches, sewer smell, old-house fixes, etc.  And although I had created lists and submitted fixes to my landlord, many of them continued to be unfixed and instead of speaking up about it, I settled.  I literally settled with a sewer smell in my bathroom for months.  I settled for roaches creeping up my sewer pipes, for months.  And I suffered, immensely.

The interesting thing about suffering in silence is that the unworthy parts of ourselves will make all sorts of excuses:

“I’m wanting too much”
“I’m over-reacting”
“I can put up with it”
“I don’t want to be a bother”
“It’s not THAT big of a deal”

But yet, it IS a big deal. Because that little thing that you are being silent around instead of speaking up about, is impacting your every single moment of reality. The smallest things that we settle for make huge impacts in our consciousness and in our lives.  As it’s us telling the universe, “I am not worthy of this, therefore I am not worthy of that.” It keeps us in this suffering cycle until we break out of it.

After lots of acceptance work, I finally said enough was enough and I stood up for myself by verbalizing the importance of these fixes to my landlord. I expressed how it was impacting me and that it was not okay with me that these were not being addressed.  Unfortunately, even this expression was not enough and I had to write a legal letter that I would move out if said fixes were not made.

This was my choice out of suffering and into action. Knowing that I can create a better reality for myself, by standing up for myself.

And then, change happened. The roaches went away. The sewer smell went away.  In the end, I don’t blame my landlord. These issues were the physical manifestations highlighting the lack of worth I had for myself at that time.  It was my responsibility to create this change for myself. And because I was silent, no change could be made. Until it could.

So now I’m celebrating my new place of residence and how I’ve been proactive with the changes I wanted made.  Even things as simple as doors not closing 100% correctly, and the water heater temperature not being high enough.  Because these “little” things are important. I am worth it.

I celebrate the shifts I am making out of suffering in silence and into a space of worthyness of being comfortable and in harmony with my physical reality.  As truly, how I feel about myself is reflected outwardly in perfect manifestation. I choose to love myself <3

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